Molly Blogs Oscar Fashion 2007

Oh, I’m ashamed.

Here it is two days after the Oscars aired, and I’m finally getting around to posting my fashion review. Mea maxima culpa, ladies. I guess the snarky side of me was buried under the foot of snow we received this weekend. But alas, keeping myself away from other fashion commentary for the last 36 hours has been excruciating, so the time for my post has come.

Best Dressed – Women

5. Rinko Kikuchi

After the Golden Globes fiasco (½ dress, ½ French poodle), I am thrilled beyond words to see Ms. Kikuchi cleaned up and glamified in this gorgeous Chanel Haute Couture gown. The hair is sleek, the accessories are perfect (I love the red clutch). What a fantastic turnaround.

4. Reese Witherspoon

Hey Britney - this is what you should be doing after breaking up with your cheating husband: getting the best revenge, which is looking fantastic. Reese wears this Nina Ricci, which lightens in color from eggplant to lilac, the way it was supposed to be worn. She looks regal, yet the long, loose hair and bangs keep her from looking stuffy.

3. Helen Mirren

God damn it, Dame Helen. If you asked me to move to the UK so you could become my sugar mama, I would be out of here so fast that the sound barrier would break. Look at her! She’s so goddamn sexy that you forget that she’s a 5’4” tall 61-year-old woman. She always dresses with perfect taste, and this Christian LaCroix dress is another bullseye.

(Mirren with her husband, director and all-around lucky bastard Taylor Hackford, who is thinking about how hard he wants to smack that ass right now).

2. Gwyneth Paltrow

Yes, yes, yes. This Zac Posen dress is beautifully cut to give a woman curves even if she is somewhat un-curvy like our Gwyneth. The lovely copper color shimmers in the lights and adds a warm glow to her face. Well done.

1. Cate Blanchett

Sweet mother of all that is sexy, will you look at Cate Blanchett?! She follows the metallics trend in this fabulous Giorgio Armani Privé gown which looks as if it was carved out of pewter especially for her. The one-strap trend was hot this year, and she wore it better than anyone else. Her skin looks like cream and her makeup is fresh and rosy. An absolutely flawless choice, all around.

Honorable Mention

-Isla Fisher

Another jewel-toned dress on this Australian Sacha Baron Cohen arm candy. The beautiful Monique Lhullier goes perfectly with her natural red hair (lucky bitch), and the high-waisted belt and mermaid cut are very flattering.

-Maggie Gyllenhaal

She gets an honorable mention, if only for the fact that at previous award shoes she has been seen schlumping around in a burlap sack. This gown is a beautiful yet distinctive and high-fashion choice for Maggie, who looks great after having given birth a few months ago. Looking great and being with Peter Sarsgaard? Nicely done.

-Diane Keaton

I was so excited to see Ms. Keaton not dressed as a man that she could have been wearing anything else and I would have honored her. But she went above and beyond by looking glamorous yet casual in this black form-fitting dress, with a bit of fun flip added to her normal severe-looking blonde bob.

-Emily Blunt

Yes, another jewel-toned dress. This one a bright clear sapphire Calvin Klein number on Brit Emily Blunt. It fits beautifully, and the cut is clean and elegant which lets the dramatic color speak for itself. Lovely.

Best Dressed – Men

-Ken Watanabe

I champion a man who will wear something other than white and/or black without looking ridiculous. And Ken can do it. I love this rosy-silver tie tiny diamond lapel pin. He looks handsome, yet distinctive. Plus, god! How cute is he?

-Djimon Hounsou

Brown! A man at the Oscars wearing brown and pulling it off! I love it! Perfect from head to toe. I even like the little gray bits in his beard.

-Leo DiCaprio

This man could have wrapped himself in his bedclothes and still have been the hottest thing on the red carpet, but I give him kudos for selecting a classic Armani two-button suit with shiny satin lapels and tie. Very striking.

Best Dressed Family

The Pinkett Smiths

As I’ve said in the past, Jada Pinkett Smith has impeccable taste in gowns, and this golden Carolina Herrera is yet another example. It’s the perfect color for her beautiful skin. Will looks great in a classic bowtie tux, and their son Jaden is adorable in his tux with a classy white tie and curls. What a photogenic family. Can you imagine what their Christmas pictures look like?

Look at all of these beautiful people! So classic! So glamorous!

And then everything went horribly awry.

Worst Dressed – Women

5. Nicole Kidman

I hate to do this to Nicole, whom I adore, especially post-Moulin Rouge!. But . . . THE BOW.

We’ve been over this before, ladies. The big, floppy shoulder bow is NOT A GOOD IDEA! The rest of this Balenciaga sheath is stunning and fits beautifully, setting off her snowy-white skin. But . . . THE BOW. There’s just no excuse.

4. Anne Hathaway – See #5, above.

And guess what? There are TWO BOWS on this little Valentino number.

Christ almighty, shoot me now.

3. Elizabeth Shue

Wait. Elizabeth Shue was there? Wearing a shapeless sack and a neck shackle? Why?

2. Eva Green

Oy. I knew that this Algerian-born stunning beauty had the potential to make an interesting fashion choice, judging from her look at the BAFTAs earlier this month. But this dress is simply strange. It looks like it has the potential to be two separate dresses that could possibly both be quite beautiful – the white lacy one underneath, and the flesh-colored, gauzy one on top. But to put them together – and top them with that bizarre bouffant-y do – simply does not work.

But don’t tell Eva that, or she might EAT your SOUL.

1. Kirsten Dumps Dunst

Unngghhh. There are so many things wrong with this look that I’m overwhelmed. The weird snaky-looking sequins. The bizarre little meshy Peter Pan collar. The strategically-placed-over-breasts-and-genitals beading. And, of course, the feathers. It just does. not. work.

Dishonorable Mention:

-Rashida Jones

Beautiful Karen from The Office (who I just figured out, after seeing several pictures of her with Quincy Jones, is Q’s daughter) is not showcasing her assets in this boring dress. The dress is dowdy and too shapeless for her beautiful figure, is the most dull color and pattern imaginable, and makes her look slouchy. The severe hairstyle and sparkly accessories both add to just make her look sort of out-of-place.

-Maribel Verdú

I loved the beautiful Ms. Verdu in Pan’s Lanyrinth, but I can’t say that I feel the same about her dress. As far as I know, Ms. Verdú is not sporting an advanced pregnancy, but the cut of the dress says otherwise. The fact that the whole dress looks to be crafted from a cake design template, tin foil, and a crimper is not a good thing.

The “Too Twisted for Color TV” Award*

-Patricia Field

This costume designer seems to think that she has to dye her hair to match the color of her dress (as opposed to some other people seem to think that they need to dye their hair to match the color of their skin – I’m talking to you, Kidman).

-Sally Kirkland

HOLY SHIT. I think this is what you used to see when you were little and you rubbed your eyes too hard.

Other general notes:

Shortly after this picture was taken, Joan Rivers turned feral and gnawed off Ryan Seacrest’s arm.

Things at the Oscars that were big and round:

Jack Nicholson’s Head (he apparently is playing a cancer patient in an upcoming movie)

Jennifer Hudson’s Rack

Perhaps Robert Downey Junior really was on drugs that night:

Right after Celine Dion was told at 99.97% of the American public actually thinks she’s the Antichrist:

The best part of the show:

“An Oscar and Helen Mirren are coming home with me!”

And lastly, just because it’s my blog, goddamnit:

Mads Mikkelsen

Clive Owen

Ahhhhhh . . .

*Name the movie that quote comes from and I’ll love you forever.