Hola Amigos! I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya . .

. . . but here I am. Nothing to report, just another day in America's heartland. Life has been quiet here, which is both good and bad. I am thrilled to report that my husband is officially employed and we will, for the first time ever, be a two-income household soon. This is big! Mortgage applications and dreading moving our copious amounts of crap across town are soon to follow.

As for me, I'm once again coming to the end of another cycle. Last month I had a nine-day luteal phase and, if that holds once more, C.B. (Crimson Bitch® - just using an acronym that stands for "Aunt Flo" makes me want to hurl, as does the fucking annoying "B.D. - Baby dance" column that you have to mark on my Fertility Friend chart) could show up tomorrow. Guess I'll need to keep you posted there.

Since my temps have stayed up, I decided it would be a great idea to pee on a First Response Early Detection stick at 9 dpos. Ha! One beautiful pink line, the rest of the testing area as milky white as my February-in-Wisconsin ass. After which point I frantically searched the Fertility Friends chart gallery for "Negative HPT before positive HPT" to reassure myself, to some extent. I'm not sure why I do this to myself, since I haven't been having any pregnancy symptoms at all, and "even if you do everything right, you've only got a 20-25% chance of getting pregnant each month." Yeah, yeah. Suck it.

Unfortunately, I don't have a Largest Celebrity Vaginas list, per Pru's request. Though I'll probably get some fucked-up Google hits from that one. Oh, and from adding "fucked!" This does not, however, change my undisputed reign as "Celebrity Gossip Whore."

More news soon.